beginning again

first impressions

2009-09-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

In honor of my one week anniversary in Pasadena, allow me to indulge in a bit of “honeymoon phase” praise of this new life I’ve found here.

Top 5 things I love about life in Pasadena so far:

1. A bright, cozy apartment. After a week of unpacking and putting together furniture, I'm finally feeling somewhat settled in my new place. The vibe is great--I'm surrounded by my zillions of books and have a lot of light (so much sunshine here!) pouring in through my window. This will be a great place to study and reflect and

grow.

2. Transportation by foot. I can walk everywhere--school, library, bank, dentist, gym, post office, Trader Joe's, coffee shops, bookstores, parks. Seriously, almost everywhere I need to go is less than a mile from my apartment. This may not seem totally revolutionary, but coming from the Chicago suburbs where I was nearly 100% dependent on my car to get anywhere, I am absolutely overjoyed by this.

3. The farmer's market. Oh my goodness. I discovered this past weekend that the place to be in Pasadena on Saturday morning is Victory Park. Over 40 farmers and other local venders gather together and set out the most impressive array of local produce I've ever seen. And it felt like the whole city turned up to get their hands on the goods. One vendor's exclamation, "Our tomato season is coming to a close - get 'em while you can!" nearly created a stampede of hungry local food connoisseurs eager to stock up for the winter. But the truly wonderful thing about a farmer's market in southern California? It's open year round! Woo-hoo!

4. Urban setting, but with mountains and trees and birds in abundance. I love the city, but proximity to nature is essential for me. I feel much nearer to God under the open sky, surrounded by trees and wildlife and a good breeze. Honestly, I was nervous about moving to Los Angeles because I was afraid there would be a little too much concrete and desert and not enough...life. So I'm grateful for the surrounding San Gabriel mountains that look down on me, and the gorgeous variety of trees that line my street, and the birds (some very exotic-looking) everywhere.

5. Inordinately friendly and helpful people. In Los Angeles? Really? Yep. First there was my neighbor who was more than gracious when my moving truck was blocking her car. We offered to move the truck, but she insisted on calling a friend to pick her up instead. Then there were the women at the public library who noticed I was having a difficult time getting my laptop power cord to reach the outlet and offered to switch tables with me. Then there was the girl at Starbucks (another customer, not an employee) who took up the half-and-half pitcher to have it refilled and then came back and offered to let me have some before she poured her own - even though she was there first. Where on earth am I? I'm not even sure how to react to such considerate behavior! But I could definitely get used to it.

Now, those of you who know me understand that I'm not particularly given to unbridled optimism, so I'm quite aware that the warts of this city and the new life I've chosen will show themselves soon enough. But for now I'm happy to revel in these finer things.

just a little patience

2009-09-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I find patience to be the most annoying of all the virtues. Not when I want others to be patient with me, of course, but when I'm the one who's being asked to exercise it.

So I'm finding it particularly frustrating that this whole transition-to-seminary thing seems to be requiring me to demonstrate quite a bit of this vexing quality. There's been a lot of waiting involved--for the right time to pursue this new calling, for enough money to make it happen, for a place to live, for a part time job to open up (still waiting on that one!). The drive across country with my cat and guinea pigs in the car for three days required much patience, as we plodded on from one city to the next, one day at a time. Now I'm staying with my parents (oh my, don't get me started on how much patience that takes!) for a few days while some maintenance stuff is being finished up on my apartment.... Enough! I'm tired of waiting. I want to get on with my new life NOW, NOW, NOW!

A few months ago I mentioned to a couple of good friends that I had a strange feeling God was going to use this new adventure he'd set me on to begin to seriously smooth some of my "rough edges." My initial response to this sense was not "yes, Lord, please rid me of these rough edges!" Nope. Honestly, I actually kind of like my rough edges. They make me interesting. So what if I don't excel in the categories of patience and humility? You can't have all the fruits of the Spirit at the same time, right? :-)

Fortunately, this God of mine knows how to soften my resolve in just the right way--and it almost always involves making me laugh. As I was driving around a couple days ago running errands and feeling all bent out of shape and frustrated with all the waiting, an old song from one of my childhood favorite bands "coincidentally" came on the radio. Yep, you guessed it. Once I heard the familiar whistling of Guns N Roses' "Patience," I just started cracking up. Yes, I get it, Lord. I see what you're doing here. And, yes, I am annoyed, but somehow deeply grateful. The Lord found the perfect "Balaam's ass" to speak to me and draw forth a response of praise and thanksgiving. And just so I didn't forget, the song again came on the radio the next day. Very funny, Lord.

So I guess it seems appropriate today to leave you all with the wisdom of Axl, Izzy and the boys so that you as well may ponder their immortal (lol) words:

"Said, woman, take it slow

It'll work itself out fine

All we need is just a little patience."

beginning again at the beginning

2009-08-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

As I sit on the floor in my nearly empty house, I'm a bit overwhelmed by memories of all the times I've had to leave one place and move on to the next. Having grown up in a military family--where our very existence seemed to be a perpetual cycle of uprooting, moving, resettling--I'm accustomed to this kind of change. I've actually developed quite an aptitude for it.

But somehow this change feel different. Heavier. Maybe it's because I've put down roots in Chicagoland--in my job, my church, my friendships--in ways that I've rarely done in the past. Perhaps it's because I've grown up so much during my five years here that I'm reluctant to leave the nurturing environment that encouraged that growth. Or maybe it's because I finally have some clarity about what God is calling me to do with my life and I find that I'm actually intimidated (me? intimidated?) by the path that lies ahead of me. Pastoral ministry sounds exciting, but difficult and risky. Failure seems like such a real possibility. And that is genuinely scary.

But since I'm (uncommonly) certain that it's time to head off in this direction, here I go--to begin again. And as I prepare to move across the country and return to seminary in an attempt to faithfully respond to this call, it also seemed time to (finally) begin a blog as a way of opening up this new phase of my life to friends and anyone else who may be interested.

The title of this blog was inspired by one of my favorite theologians who wrote that in approaching the task of theology we must "continually begin again at the beginning in every point." The wonderful advantage of doing so is that "again and again we are directed to look back to the center and foundation of it all."

And what is this beginning--this center and foundation--of it all?

Jesus Christ.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

"He is before all things and in him all things hold together."

This is why despite my fears I am able to move forward. I understand that ultimately "my" calling is not about me but Christ. I've been invited to join in what he's doing in a new way and I'm choosing to trust that in him all things--including me, my life and the lives of those around me--will continue to hold together. Even if I fail along the way.

My hope is that in these posts and in whatever conversations they might generate, we will together begin to discover what it means to begin again at the beginning in every point--to always look first to Christ as we seek to understand how each of us is being called to serve in his name and participate in his redemptive mission.